When my husband is on vacation he grows a Goatee or VanDyke for me. He has the perfect face shape for facial hair and he knows how much I like his face hair so he pleases me by looking burly and manly when he can. It’s a gift I truly appreciate. Now, I have heard ’round the tea parties that not all women like facial hair…and those are the prissy women. See, I love me some facial hair but I do not like Face Fro…ala’ Duck Dynasty. To me the sort of beards the men on Duck Dynasty grow is more akin to facial pubes than facial hair…all puffy and thick and gross. No woman wants that sort of sensation across her face without a porsche or luxury condo included……well, my solution for the woman with a man that has face fro is to offer something in exchange for the man to shave such as..if you shave your face fro, I will shave my leg fro. Or if you condition your chin pubes I will actually hug you in public. Or if you trim your massive face fro the neighbors will stop believing you are a terrorist.
Ok, the terrorist comment crossed the line…but it made my point, right? When a beard is too long and bushy it actually crosses over from handsome man style to the hairy version of round blacked-out vampire glasses…it gets scary and looks psychotic. I would say the ideal goatee is from the bottom of the chin to about 2-1/2 inches off the chin. The goatee or beard that is any longer really is less burly mountain man and more tie you to a mountain tree scary. And when you have a frazzled scraggly beard any woman you are with will out class you….even that trashy bar fly with no bra is out of your league.
I had an uncle that would wax his mustache…he even had a tiny curler that would curl the ends like Dali. He could make his mustache twitch when he smiled and as a child I thought it was magical…now, I think he must have been a downright creeper. I also had a crush on Magnum PI…his deep voice, dark hair, short running shorts and mustache made me purr. But since the porn-stache has fallen out of fashion the goatee is all I have left. Well, as long as he holds me down and rubs his facial hair on me I’m good. Looking forward to our next vacation.